Change and Hysteria

Tonight was portfolio night at Seth’s school.  I hate to say this, but it is one of THE MOST BORING THINGS I HAVE EVER ATTENDED!  (Don’t tell Seth I said that.)  We were supposed to go, but had a change of plans (WHICH I PROMISE I DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH!) and so we are staying home.

This is all well and good except for Little Miss Crabby Pants, aka Don’t-Rock-My-World-Because-I-Hate-Change-and-Surprises.  She’s already had a good rant on tonight because she is visiting her new school tomorrow and convinced that it is a dangerous, repulsive place that shouldn’t be part of our district, etc. So her rant is all warmed up and ready to go for any reason at all. Or none. Bring on the change of plans for tonight.  I try so hard to keep a straight face while giving her words to put on her emotions so she can maybe-someday-hopefully-opt-out-of-ranting for something like “that’s disappointing.”   There is something absolutely roll-on-the-floor-laughing about a little wimpy girl thrusting a hip out and wagging a finger while she issues her edicts.

Her:  Can I take my bag along to  Seth’s school?

(Nevermind that the bag is almost as big as she is and weighs at least 30 pounds what with all the “treasures” she has in there.)

Me:  Actually we aren’t going – Seth has something else he has to do tonight.

Her: What?!  I can’t stand it! This is just wrong. We have to go to his school. I’m sick and tired of my brother doing everything I say. (huh?) I am sick and tired of him in this household. I am sick and tired of him copycatting me back, copycatting me back. (This is the beginning of “THE LIST” of offenses, real and imagined, that he has committed against her. Like the time she  yelled from her bedroom, “Seth, quit hitting me!” and he was outside.) I want him to move out of this house right now and not come back.

Me: You’re pretty upset that we’re not going to portfolio night at his school, aren’t you?

Her: He is a bbbbad bbbbboy! (Her lip gets stuck on b’s when she is really upset. I have no idea why. But it is another opportunity for me to practice NOT laughing when I want to.) He is a really BBBad BBBoy now!!

Her: I want him out of this house and out of this house.

Me: Where do you think he should live?

Her: I want him to live in his own house with his own rules and never come back here. Cuz he just bothers me. He’s some a pain in the neck it’s annoying! (Yes that’s what she said.)

Fortunately, she eventually moves on and “normalcy” can resume. At the moment, normalcy is her giving a speech to an empty sofa thanking everyone for coming to the club. There is evidently great applause for her because she keeps saying “thank you, thank you” over and over.  She does have a good speaking voice… it carries well!  =/

Oh oh.  Back at it:  So we’re really not going?  ohhhhhhhhh!!!!

and people wonder what inspired the invention of tv and videos.  Wanna watch “Miss Patty Cake”?

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