We’d have to tweak her routines a bit, but I think we have some legit material here… and I wouldn’t get arrested for putting a 14 year old with special needs on stage to make money
to ease my suffering for college, right?
She walks in the door from school – triumphantly smiling, peaking my curiosity… “How was your day?” I innocently ask. Her reply?
“Here we go again with the questions…” followed by a heavy sigh of frustration. Do I detect a sudden sea change? Next time I’ll have a QUESTIONNAIRE READY TO JUSTIFY HER FRUSTRATION!! (Deep breathing, Momma, deep breathing. This too shall pass. In about 12 years. I might need a lot of that special water. What do they call it? V O D K A ?)
Next on the hit list: as I’m “fixing” my hair *which really never looks any different no matter what I do with it but that’s a subject for another day* she is troubled and asks, “are you going somewhere, Mom?” “Yes, I have a meeting.” “Aaaaaawwwwww,” in that, you know, lovely whining and disappointed voice.
Fast forward 60 minutes – Dad is home, has a date with the television, Seth has the iPad and headphones (thank you Jesus for headphones) and I am on the computer – Nat, again in the up and down bird-in-flight whine, “what am I supposed to use? Dad has the tv, Seth has the iPad, you’re on the computer …” “Well I am leaving soon for my meet…” I don’t even get the words out of my mouth! She instantly, I MEAN INSTANTLY gives me a STRONG FIST PUMP and a “YEAH!!!” She is SO over me. She better not think she is going to wake me up in the middle of the night!! I don’t care WHAT she watches while I am gone tonight!! I do love my earplugs!
Lastly, it appears Natalie has failed the color-blindness test. Not sure what the deal is exactly. Not a red/green issue.
Mom, why are there brown faces and gray faces? Gray faces? What do you mean? (is she talking about my face color or my wrinkles? or maybe my hair? Am I due for a touch-up? Well, yes, I certainly am due for a touch-up but really? These gray hairs make my SKIN look gray??? Why didn’t anyone tell me!!!)
You know, like you – you have a gray face.
WHAT?! My worst fears confirmed. That’s it. I’m calling the dermatologist and getting some kind of special treatment, I don’t care what! The big brother comes in trying to clarify, Natalie what color is my face? Seth I am NOT IN THE MOOD. But Nat, is my face beige, gray or what? SETH! I do NOT have to answer your face color sentences!
Really. I just need to keep a video camera running at all times. You have to see this. Then you can tell me if you think we have another income stream developing here in our house. Or do I just have to keep putting up with this without hope of appropriate remuneration??
Nevermind. I’m leaving for my meeting. “Meeting”. hahaha!! I’ll see where I end up. I need some of that special water – with tonic and lime ….