I have three issues I need your help with – blame must be assigned, and while I have my opinion, I need outside, unbiased judgment, so I am asking YOU, my friends.
1. In case you hadn’t picked up on it this blog weighs in heavily on the antics of my youngest child. I wish my other kids would be more entertaining, but is it MY fault they aren’t more entertaining? Or, at least they don’t want me to make fun of them here in public. What?! Although, this is pretty entertaining:
So whose fault is this anyway? Really? Help me out here… I mean, render an unbiased opinion. Please.
2. The next story that needs your assessment doesn’t even involve me. In any way whatsoever. So have at it…. Natalie was in the, ahem, bathroom last night and we heard a thud followed by an “OUCH“. She reports upon her arrival in the galley, “I banged my hand on the counter in the bathroom!” “That’s too bad. You okay?” Ignoring my question as usual, “It was all the counter’s fault!” I wade into questioning waters again, “Did the counter attack your hand?” Surprisingly, I receive an analytical and very serious response: “Well… ALMOST!” (Guffaws all around.) While this was indeed humorous at the time, it raised a serious question with which I need your help: Does this mean I simply MUST remodel that bathroom??? Go ahead, assign appropriate blame and announce the necessary punishment…
3. Lastly, what to do about answering this question I receive several times a day. None of my answers are working, so whose fault is that? There is a popular (in our house anyway) show called “The Saddle Club” … all about girls and horses. One of the episodes recounts the story of “The Headless Horseman”.
No matter how much I reassure her that people do not get their heads chopped off in this country, she persists with the question. MANY times per day. It goes like this (I’ve deleted my boring responses to keep this as succinct as possible): “What’s that horse story we were watching? Yes, the headless horseman. Will we get our heads chopped off? Why? But it happened. People got their heads chopped off. Did your Dad die? Did he get his head chopped off? Why not? Will I get my head chopped off? Did your Mom get her head chopped off?”
I must interrupt right here. My mother is still alive. Natalie knows this, see?
She jumps right over that reality and recites the lines from the show, with some artistic license: “Max’s great great uncle died in this spot. Of death.” He died of death? Moving right along….
Big brother helps by correcting the narrative: “a violent death.” Natalie joins in the spirit of the story, shouting triumphantly: “yes, a diolent veath!” Such a sweet child. Consumed with how people die, but yes, a sweet child.
So I ask you, really, whose fault is it that most of these blog posts are about her?
If any of you want to come over and join in the Explanation-Reassurance Brigade and have some creative ways to answer the head-chopping question, be my guest. I am all ears. Because, you know, my head is still attached to my body, and so I still have my ears becauseifmyheadhadbeenchoppedoffmyearswould….